Staying at home all of the time has been much different then I expected it to be. I expected to spend my days cleaning various parts of our home, cooking, and getting ready for Cameron to be here. I quickly realized that that’s not quite where I am yet. Not only did we not unpack over half of our things when we moved to this new apartment, it also has a lot of maintenance issues. For the first month of us living here the oven didn’t work and the kitchen sink would back up every time you ran the dishwasher. (The oven was recently fixed) Our shower leaks into the kitchen every time we use it, and the whole apartment smells like mildew. So, since we have had all of these issues and we’re only here through September 30th, I haven’t felt motivated to really invest in my home. I have been keeping it clean but as far as the deep cleaning I thought I would do…that’s just not happening. As far as my cooking expectations, it’s kind of hard to cook when you don’t have an oven. I have done several crock pot recipes and Michael has been grilling for us quite a bit. I just find it difficult to experiment with really fun recipes when it’s just for Michael and I. The ingredients are normally expensive and we usually waste the leftovers. I also expected to begin preparing for Cameron’s arrival. The way I pictured this was preparing his room. Well…we won’t be living here when he is born so I haven’t done any of that either. Realizing that none of this was what I expected has been very hard. I have found myself frustrated and anxious. In some ways I think I have felt kind of mad, almost as though the world has played a big trick on me. This life of being a housewife is not turning out to be what I thought it would be.
I am by no means telling you all of this to complain; I am giving you insight into what I have been feeling this summer. At least, what I was feeling until recently. A few weeks ago as I was feeling sorry for myself and frustrated over everything, I felt the Lord telling me to take a step back and reevaluate. What an AMAZING opportunity He has given me. I have completely free days. Days in which I can spend the whole day in the Word, I can help and serve others, and I can spend time with my husband and grow our relationship. I realized that this was my opportunity to really get in the habit of spending time with the Lord EVERYDAY. I always made it so easy to miss days of having my quiet time and make excuses when I was teaching full time, now I have an open schedule and can use this time to let the Lord teach me and change me. I am able to be available to friends whenever they need me – whether it’s baby sitting or setting up a classroom. Also, Michael and I have been able to spend the days together. Sometimes we do nothing and sometimes we are able to talk through where the Lord has us right now and what he is teaching us. The Lord has brought me to a place where I am so thankful for this time He has given me. No, it doesn’t look anything like what I expected it to. But isn’t that what God is best at? Not meeting our expectations because He has something SO MUCH BETTER in store!